You don’t wanna know !

I don’t know if everyone faces this point in their lives but I find it very confusing. 

Usually people’s dreams and goals are bounded by their responsibilities , duties , family , love and vagera vagera. They complain about being restricted and not being able to achieve their full potential. Well i would argue the contrary. Having boundaries sometimes helps you. 
Take me for example. I do not have any boundaries. I am not bounded by love, responsibilities , family , duties. This makes my dreams boundless and endless. 

Some days i wanna achieve something that makes the world turn heads. On other days i want the satisfaction of a stay at home mom. Granted being a mom is not easy. I mean come on , you’ll have someone looking to you for guidance on everything when you are still trying to wear the right shoe on the correct foot in the mornings. 

Some days i want to be the first woman in something. But being the first in something, that too a woman has become the last page news and doesn’t have a lotta avenues. 

Some people are bound by the duty to earn for their families , some are bound upon achieving their goal. But here i am trying to figure out what kind of cereal to have for breakfast. 

I have many ambitions . When I see recreations of works of famous artists , I wanna be an artist like Pablo Picasso . When I read the works of P.B.Shelly or Shakespeare or John Keats , i wanna be well known in the literature community. When I see inspirational quotes by famous women like Eleanor Roosevelt and people like her , i wanna be a persona that girls 10 decades from now dream of becoming. When I see an episode of The Newsroom , i wanna be Margaret Jordan , innocent naive and full of hope or a McKinze Mckale to a Will McAvoy.

Oh the options and dreams are tiring me out !! I wish I was smart enough to build a time machine like in Meet the Robinsons , so I can travel to the future and see with my own eyes that there’s a sunny side up to my story.
You may think , Oh what does she know ?! Trust me , you are not missing out on much. Though I love my life , no unfortunate soul should have the same storyline as mine.

If there are , could you please raise your hands and say HI !!

 😉 

~Masha

From 12 to 21 !

It seems like just last month we wrote our final boards and are waiting for resuls and frantically trying to choose a college of our liking. But no !! We are Adults now . 

We are no longer annas and akkas or bhaiyas and didis. We are soon to be uncles and aunties. How scary is that?!?!

At the age of 12 , it was important to learn how to braid your hair, how to tie your laces, how to ride a cycle.

But now, at the old age of 21, we are expected to decide on how are we lead our lives , with whom are we going to lead our lives and the Biggy of all . . . . 

What are we going to do in our lives?????

In just a matter of 9 years , our views, dreams,hopes,choices,priorities,preferences,tastes,status of freedom,state of dependencies, number of contacts (cause friendships have become a liability these days) have a lot more impact on our lives than it used to.

Back then we dreamed of eating chocoas,now we dream of having cocaine. Before we ate jellies , now we eat jello shots. 

But whether or not we allow all these decisions and choices affect our judgements is solely up to each of us. 

Some of us will value money while some choose family. Some will chase adventure while some desire peace and quiet. 

No two of us can choose the same life and aspects and opinions. If that was the case , then the world would not have been “Round” !! 

So sit back, prop up ur feet on a nearby bench, sip on ur margaritas and RelaXxxxx cause you are Unique and so are your choices !! 😉

~ Masha 

Be proud of what you are !

She sat and looked. Looked at the world moving around her in a blur. She tried to focus. But she couldn’t. She was too busy feeling sorry for herself.

She felt sometimes that she was a burden to her family , with all her problems. She felt envious of those who looked better than her. She wished she was as talented as those who became infamous overnight. She envied those who had the opportunity to live their life luxuriously , with out a care. She wished she could party like those girls every night , in a place , in a different dress. She was jealous of those that could buy anything and everything they without a second thought.

But as her self pity dissolved. The world around her became more clearer. 

She felt loved by her family on seeing those children abandoned at the orphanage. No matter how bad her issues and problems were, her family stuck to her side like a plague and ensured that she wasn’t insecure.

She saw that being beautiful came at a costly Price. She saw those beautiful maidens being harassed for no fault of their own. They were criticized no matter what they did.

She saw that being famous isn’t as easy as she thought. Those that became infamous overnight by their talent lost their talent, passion and most important of all , their Privacy overnight too.

She saw that those who lived luxuriously were dependent on others for a simple task. She saw they had lost the most important luxury of all , Independence in their lives. 

She could see that those girls who partied endlessly , all day , every day , are the ones who felt confused , depressed , lost , deprived of love and care and become easily vulnerable to all the vices and become prey to awful episodes , no one should ever witness in their lives.

She saw that those who bought things and went on shopping sprees did so as they did not have a better way to spend their evenings. They did not know that , for all the money in this world , they couldn’t buy the sparkle of a star , the path after having a hearty laughter , the silence among two souls in love , the promise of the ever impending death.

She felt her self pity vanish into thin air. She had no distractions from her goals , she didn’t have the impossible task of impressing someone but herself , she could accomplish anything she set her mind to , she had the pleasures to relish the small but important things in life. 

She no longer pitied herself. She felt proud.

~Masha

Care to stop n look ?!

People called her creative, imaginative and applauded her work. But little did they know, that she was neither.

She was simply an observer. That’s the skill she bested all her life. It came to her naturally.

The time to sit and observe seems worldly to people for Time has become a fleeting presence in this century of the world.
No one cares to stop and look at the sky and appreciate a good, sunny day. 

No one wants to stop by and extend help to a stranger and they reason that he might be a carrier of darkness and evil will lurk at anyone he looks. 

No one stops by to pet a dog for they carry not the fear of animals but of rabies. 

No one stops by to appreciate good music when they hear, or a movie or even the most intimate gestures as dining with their family. They are far more eager to post about it online. 

Parents no longer take time to appreciate their children for their accomplishments. They’d rather send a message conveying their regards yet complain that the present generation is more “social networking” than “being social”. 

Society no longer gauges you by your talents and accomplishments but rather by your connections in the online “world”. 

A child no longer learns to run but is fluent in typing. 

No one cares to stop and look the impact they have created on others with their words but are more concerned about the impact their “status” change has on the society. 

Couples no longer love to unite their souls but rather to change their relationship status.

We call ourselves “Human Beings” but have become to ignore and suppress the “Humanity” inside us all.
She looked at them all and wondered if she had inherited an aberrant gene.

For she was simply , just an observer , wistfully watching the fleeting moments of time !
~Masha

3 souls

Three sets of footprints found in the sand. Though they look like any normal human footprint,only upon looking closely one can find the true hidden meaning in each of them.

 One contained all the markers for a eternally loving , sincerest confidante and unwaveringly compassionate soul.

The one on the other side marked an unbelievably protective, genuinely responsible and truly constant soul.

But the one in the middle, in between the two, shielded from the world, contained the purest innocence, comforting warmth and boundlessly joyful soul. 
~Masha

The Ever impending Change

“Excuse me Mam, May I see your identification please?”

She was broken out of her reverie by the Train Ticket Examiner, as he checked her credentials.

Back to her thoughts, she remembered her first trip alone on a train.

Trains are the Flights of the Middle Class in our country.Though the Indian Railways is not as flashy,clean,regular compared to the other nations, it’s the bread and butter for the other 99% in our country.

Being a single daughter of very protective parents had many plus and minus.One of the minus being, being allowed to try new things.But this particular “new thing”, she had to sign up for,as her her future education depended upon it.

She had gotten used to being alone in her own family circle. In fact she preferred it. But this ! This was a whole new level.

Her parents helped her board the train with tears and promises to visit often.But her heart began to pound as the train started moving.Thoughts like “What am i going to do?”, “How will i look after myself?”, “What if something happens?” stormed through her.

She had heard many stories from her father about what happens to girls who travel alone.He just wanted to caution her but it had the opposite effect instead.

As she walked to her seat, she could feel many pairs of eyes on her.She wondered what they might be thinking , “Are they planning to kidnap me?”, “Do i look weird & ugly with the marks covering my face?”  These thoughts slapped her.She never knew she was this insecure.

Climbing onto the berth,she smiled,remembering the times her dad made the berth,making it comfy for her to sleep.She was never felt more grateful for it.She always thought it was the duty of a father.

Looking around,she could hear the rattling sound of the train,the cheerful laughs from a group of friends,the laments of an annoying kid,the snuggling love birds,the continuous cry of an infant,the rebellious family trying to have dinner.

When it came to food, thoughts ran to her loving mother, who always tried to make her whatever she demanded,no matter how impossible she sounded. Tears threatened her eyes when she knew she wouldn’t be dining those scrumptious meals for a long time.

As the train slowly quientened to a peaceful rhythm of rocking back and forth,she laid back on her berth to sleep,checking twice if she had the time right for the alarm.But as her eyes closed drowsily,her mind opened them in a flash. She kept looking for the “Random Rapist” who preys in girls who travel alone, the one her dad had warned her about.

She looked and looked, but he never came,only dawn did.

As she got down on the platform at her station,she braced herself with the thought “Change alone is the changeless law”,the very first quote her dad taught her. 

It was true,she had embraced the change.Now,on her way towards her HOME, she couldn’t feel more relieved.

She made it!! She smiled as the train came to a halt at her station, about the things that made her heart pound and her hands sweat,didn’t anymore.

She wasn’t just a single daughter to her parents anymore. She was an adult,ready to take on the challenges life throws her 🙂

                                —x—

~Masha

Those that MATTER

As she laid back against a pillow,staring at the ceiling,random thoughts swarming through her brain.Mostly on how simple the world was back in the good ol’ days. 

Our cravings were for freedom, independence, gold rates and vagera vagera for the elderly 

While the young ones,like us, all we could think about were chocolate,sugar,cookies,holiday from school,no mock exams,getting the new Reynolds pen in the market.

Our last coherent thoughts before we hit the bed were

 “Did i complete the work that devil of a teacher gave?”

“I hope it rains tomorrow”

“What lunch is mom gonna pack? I hope its something with aloo!!”

“OH MY GOD !! I did not wash my white uniform !!!!! I am so dead”

“What flavour of ice to try tomorrow? Wait, what did i have today?”

“Did i inflate my cycle tyres?”

Those were the things that mattered those days.But now, all we can think about is 

“Which period can i bunk tomorrow?” “What am i going to do in life?”

“What is going to happen to my future?”

“What if i don’t get a job and look like a loser in front of my buddies?”

“How much should i say when they ask about my salary expectations?”

“What lies should i spin when they ask me “where do you see yourself in 10 years?!””

“Will i get married ?”

“Am i expected to bear childs soon????”

“What if i dont make it in the outside world?”

If you don’t do anything reckless in your twenties, you won’t have anything to smile about when your old.   ~Random

In the end, we are all forced to answer the biggest question in life 

“Is it worth it?”, “Does it really matter?”

All that is important is

To be loved by someone

To love someone

To make people laugh and share laughs and create memories with them 

To make our parents proud

To have a few people to care enough to shed tears at your funeral

To have someone to visit your grave,place fresh flowers and have a chat with you about what they are doing in life (not for the lot of you who wish to be cremated =P) 
Think about it 🙂
~Masha 

Turn back time

There she sat.

Admiring the rain from the window.

Looking at her own reflection being consumed by the mist.

” Pit,Pat,Pat ” The rain softly patting the glass and echoing in the house.

But she wasn’t bothered by it as she wasn’t in this time anymore.

Each raindrop brought her back memories she could relive again and again.

Like how she would jump bare feet, from one muddy puddle into another.

Like how she made boats with the papers from her notebooks rather than write in them.

Like how she would jump, higher and higher, trying to catch at least one raindrop before it fell to the ground.

Like how she would rather bathe in the rain than under a warm shower.

Like how she would fog every glass panel she could find, and draw smileys on them.

Like how she would challenge and race each raindrop that fell against the window.

Like how she would stare at the sky, hoping to get a glimpse of a rainbow peeking out somewhere.

Like how she would count the interval between each raindrop.

Like how she would wriggle her arms through the grills, just to feel the rain against her.

Like how she couldn’t wait to get her hands on a mug of piping hot cocoa.

Heaving a sigh, she wished she could see the grass seeming more greener, the earth smelling more fresher, the sky looking clearer after a single shower.

But alas! All she could see now was the horizon filled with skyline of skyscrapers rather a treeline trying to scrape the sky, the clouds more black and flat rather than grey and fluffy, the lanes of concrete roads instead of fields of grass.

Oh ! How she wished she could turn back time !!

~Masha

Thoughts about Him

She thought about them, but her thoughts mostly focused upon him.

She thought about how he had eyes only for her. She thought about the way his eyes sparkled when he looked at her, just her.

She thought about the smile that creeps on his face when she is on his mind, the smile saved just for her.

She thought about the way he traces his finger upon her lips, as though the contours of her lip was the mesmering lines he could ever find.

She thought about his heartbeat, that seems to race only upon her touch, even if she had barely touched him.

She thought about the way his warmth could replace any coldness, even her shivering thoughts seemed to disapper when he wrapped his arms around her.

She thought about how the lines of face glowed under the morning rays of sun and just as sinful the 5 o’clock shadow under the descending sunlight.

She thought about how he framed his sentences carefully, afraid as though, a single wrong word could break her.

She thought about the way his arms envelops her behind, jealous even of the wooden panels of the window that touches her.

She thought about how domineering he appeared when he was above her, as if protecting her from his own demons.
She thought about how he comforted her, wiped her tears, when his emotions was flowing a river inside.

She thought about how his eyes always snaps up to hers, as though he was having the same thoughts about her.

She thought about how he abandoned his principles just because she asked him to, not giving a second thought.

She thought about how he absent-mindedly traces her knuckles, as the walk hand in hand, down a road that they wished was never-ending.

She thought about how he always knew what she was thinking, even if her words were incoherent.

She thought about how he tried to surprise her, even though he was bad at surprises.

She still keeps thinking, unaware of the bell ringing, how she never dared and took a chance with him.

She keeps thinking about him, hoping that he would take the courage for the both of them and make her thoughts into reality.

She thinks that one day he will be hers, sadly unaware of the fact that he has already moved on.

~Masha

Unthinkable

The pain unbearable, like they said it would be.

It was unbeleivable, like she read it would be.

It was unacceptable, when they said it was not meant to be.

They were unforgettable, like memories should be.

It was unreasonable, the way she was asked to be.

It was unclimbable, the way hardships should be.

It was unnatural, to give her heart to a would-be.

It was undeniable, the pull she felt for him,not the would-be.

It was uncomfortable, to be

anywhere else but in his arms.

She felt undesirable, in any other pair of eyes except his.

It seemed ungetable, not like she dreamed it would be.

It looked unfashionable, not like the wedding dress that was supposed to be.

It was unimaginable, to lead a life without him

The tissues were unusable, not ever-absorbing like his shirt seemed to be.

But most of all,

It’s unthinkable, to love anyone else.